So you might have noticed that us human beings haven't evolved physically for quite some time. I got to thinking about what the next evolutionary step could be and I have illustrated my thoughts for you. As you can see I have retained the sexy female form that we all know and love - this is for mating purposes, as is the new super-long tongue (obscured by pizza muzzle). The male of the species will be issued with a much longer tongue whilst the female's will be mainly used for snatching coveted objects from lower ranking females.
As you can see from my exceptional illustration, we are
also going to have webbed, amphibian hands and feet - this will help us
to scale buildings if we are late for work. Wings have also been added
for this reason but they are mainly to enable us to get to the cinema on
I would now like to draw your attention to the new style of
ear. These ears are blessed with the gift of supersonic hearing but are
also very attractive and festive. We can now find out about any
back-stabbing or opportunities for progression without scrolling through
countless Facebook statuses or tweets.
The new human has no body
hair. That's right kids! Body hair is shit and useless so it's been
fazed out. I have left hair on the head however as that is an integral
part of the mating selection.
Finally I'd like to introduce to you
the remarkable pizza-sized mouth. We need a lot of energy to scale
buildings and fly around town all day so this was an essential upgrade.
Thank you for your time.