Friday, 30 March 2012


Important tasks are looming. I was woken by a knock at the door this morning. I ignored it. Like I always do. I ignore the phone too, although it never rings...and the fire alarm. I only ever open my door if it's the police, someone telling me we are evacuating because there's a bomb (Pakistani Embassy next door) or my friendly little postman who used to have a crush on me but I think I scared him a few months ago in my pyjamas with my face all mashed up from a hangover so he looks terrified now. My hair looked like I had put a wet finger in a socket and an intense smell of weed wafted out when I opened the door like the wall of heat you get when you come off a plane in a hot country. It wasn't weed, I don't smoke. It was stagnant rabbit piss and just tends to smell like weed if you leave it a bit too long. Anyway. He looks like a turtle and if I've let him down because I've turned into a crazy, weed-smoking, squinty mess then he can do one.

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